I have started to read, The Essential Wisdom
Library, St. Francis of Assisi, His Life, teachings, and practice by Jon M. Sweeney
and Foreword by Richard ROHR. O.F.M. In the foreword it says; “Once you are
hooked, you feel like saying with Jeremiah the prophet, “You have seduce me,
God, and I have let myself be seduced…I say to myself ‘I will not think about
you anymore, until there seems to be a fire burning in my heart’” (Jeremiah
20:7-9). And the tug-of-war and love begins all over again and it happens to be
the First Reading for this week. Yesterday, I was reflecting on the readings
and Gospel and couldn’t help but think, am I faithfully following Jesus?
Especially those moments when I struggle to understand. We have so many
obligations in life and It’s very hard to find that balance, I honestly, do
struggle to understand at times and find myself remonstrate with God.
In the Gospel, Jesus said to his disciples,
“If anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let him renounce himself and take up
his cross and follow me. For anyone who wants to save his life will lose it; but
anyone who loses his life for my sake will find it. What, then, will a man gain
if he wins the whole world and ruins his life? Or what has a man to offer in
exchange for his life?” Matthew 16:21-27.
I always try and find Jesus, every day in my
daily routines, daily chores, recently though, I thought, it’s all good to find
Jesus but when I find him, am I inviting him in to stay, so that together we
get it done, the housework, washing, cooking, the children? My honest answer is
no, I am not inviting, he saved me, I have been saved and in exchange, what do
I offer? Half of me, half of my time, half of my thoughts, my heart, my love or
nothing at all. Jeremiah 17:9-10, The heart is more devious than any other
thing, perverse too; who can pierce its secrets? I, the Lord, search to the
heart, I probe the loins, to give each man what his conduct and his actions
deserve.
When I think about it, do I have a day in
mind, when I am going to deny or renounce myself, to take up my cross and
follow him? Isn’t once enough? At, times it feels like I am constantly taking
up my cross to follow Jesus or am I waiting on that day, for the Son of Man to
come in the glory of his Father with his angels? Here is the thing, when we are
saved, when we have new life in Christ, our hearts are set on fire, with a love
that burns Psalm 6:9-10, Leave me, all you who do evil, for the Lord has heard
my weeping, The Lord has heard my plea, the Lord will accept my prayer. Every
morning, I wake up and know that I am blessed, and I am thankful, and my hope
is to be a blessing for others, my children. This is something, I would have
strived for or strived to have in my life, but I no longer wish to strive, I
need his love, his love is free, It’s for each one of us, it’s the same, equal,
fair love for all of creation. Maybe it is possible, we play tug-of-war with
his love, who is stopping the love from crossing the line in the middle? We are
pulling the rope but how hard are we pulling? Are we pulling hard enough that our
hands end up with blisters from the rope burns? How opened are we for his gift
of love? Right now, what I can offer in exchange is a heart that can see the
great hope to which we are all called.
Psalm 25:2-3, Examine me, Lord, and try me; O test
my heart and my mind, for your love is before my eyes and I walk according to
your truth.
May God Bless Always, Women of Faith and Hope.
Written and created by My Mother Rose.
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